Just Say No…To Co-Dependency

We throw around the terms “clingy”, “needy” and “co-dependent” a lot in our romantic relationships and even in our friendships, but how do we fight that very real and human urge to reach out to our favorites in times of stress? And should we? The trick is to recognize a healthy desire for support and an unhealthy dependence on one person to reset our emotional equilibrium.

The main touchstone I use to strike this balance is to branch out. Whenever I feel myself desperate to talk to ONE person, over all the others in my life who love and support me, I intentionally turn to someone else. Letting ourselves depend on only one person does two unhealthy things. It puts too much pressure on that person, thus asking more from someone we love than they can healthily give, and it teaches our subconscious that we NEED that single person, thus making us insecure and needy. When I know that if my boyfriend is busy I can get just as much comfort from my best friend, or sister, or mom, it allows me to grant him the space he needs to pursue his own self-care. It also reminds me that I can stand on my own with a small army behind me and that no single one person, including a lover, will make or break my sense of mental health.

We teach our brains and hearts with our actions. Teaching ourselves that there is always someone out there to listen is a key component of life-long self-esteem and healthy boundaries in relationships.